UNDERCULTURE

My step-father and my mom absolutely love (love!) safaris and game drives. It’s a passion they love to share. I was lucky enough, this year to be part of the crew they decided to take with them. Our ten-day trip took us through most of the Southern Kruger Park and the Sabie sands area. It was an amazing and unforgettable trip. This kind of close encounter with the raw size, majesty and untouched power of the natural world can do nothing but move you.

Oh, and I filmed. I filmed a lot. And the vast majority of what I filmed is your usual stock holiday footage - stuff that will only ever make sense to me and the other people that are there. It is, therefore, not worth showing. There is, however, some footage which I think might interest some of you. Take it or leave it.

Starting with the most mundane, here is a large herd of elephants crossing the road. The idea, of course, is that when you encounter a herd of elephants is that you want them to move into your space. Moving into their space is a big no-no and generally makes you end up much wider and much shorter, and a lot more dead. This little bit of information is repeated during the video as my step-father and mother argue about whose territory it was (I don’t know how to edit the sound on the video). The culmination of this little scene is the appearance of the old matriarch bringing up the herd. I am aware that describing an elephant as big is very redundant, but - damn - she’s big.

Next up, and a bit more unusual, are these two zebras fighting for dominance. I had never seen this and never imagined that they’d go at it so roughly. Apparently the female zebra(s) they’re fighting for have got something worth loosing a eye or an ear for. Maybe it’s that thing she does after a couple of cocktails.

Hyenas are easily my favourite animals in the African landscape. They’re easy to dismiss as dumb scavengers but they are actually sharp-as-a-tack survivors who have been known to tango with lions on a regular basis. They’re also very curious and brave, as you can see with these 4 juveniles emerging from a storm water drain under the road to investigate our van. They later went on to eat part of the rear bumper but, unfortunately, I was too busy screaming “they’re eating the fucking car! Drive! Drive!” to film it.

We were also quite fortunate in viewing these two hyenas having a field day with a rhino carcass. What happened, according to the ranger (and I trust them in these things) is that the rhino got gored by an elephant. Elephants are very protective over their watering holes and this poor rhino unfortunately didn’t move away fast enough. The result was fatal. What’s interesting here is seeing just how tough the rhino’s skin really is. Watch the hyenas struggle and keep in mind that hyenas have been known to chew right through metal garbage cans. Their jaws are designed to tear through the toughest bones. Also, important lesson: don’t fucking mess with an elephant and his watering hole.

Lions. Fucking. Lions. You know what? Nothing, in my entire life, has made me shit myself with raw, undiluted terror than when we encountered this group of 13 lions while in an open-topped range rover. I mean, sure they look all cute and cuddly but don’t trust it for a second. Notice how they move as one without any apparent signal? And, sure, the ranger told us we were safe and that they’d never climb into the rover but, fuck that, it just takes a little bit of curiosity to make the difference between “I’m enjoying this natural experience” to “Fuck! Christ! My Leg! My fucking l… urg.” But to make matters worse, these things then picked up the scent of a buffalo and decided to go hunting.

Our ranger decided to follow them and we ended up, predictably, in the pitch darkness somewhere in the depth of the bush, surrounded by lions. The reason it was pitch black is because, apparently, people are allowed to use spotlights anymore because it blinds the bucks. It must also be noted that it doesn’t really blind the lions, just the bucks, because, you know, lions are relentless fucking engines of death. The lions, you see, had failed to down the buffalo, but had luckily managed to catch a leopard with its kill. So they did what lions do best which is, apparently, steal the kill, climb into the tree above the leopard (yeah, apparently they do that so don’t think of climbing a tree for safety unless, apparently, the tree is jeep-shaped. Personally, I think you’re fucked either way, despite what the ranger says). The end result was us, in the dark, watching three lionesses at the bottom of the tree, nine lionesses around the range rover, a leopard in the tree, and a lioness even higher up the tree, munching happily away on a carcass (no this isn’t some bizarre Christmas carol).

I much prefer leopards. They, at least, have the good sense to be smaller than me and generally shy. They are actually bloody difficult to see and very rare, which is why we were exceedingly lucky to have encountered two. The first one is a youngster eating his very recent kill: a young impala. The second, and you should see the difference in size, is a massive older male who felt about as threatened by our presence as I am threatened by bacon.

Last, but certainly not least, are the Wild Dogs. What is important here is to be aware of just impossibly rare these things are. There are about 300 of them in an area the size of Belgium. Seeing them, alone, is worthy of note but following them, as we did here, as they finished off a small kill and went looking for more, is a truly once-in-a-lifetime experience. I dig these guys: they wag tails, jump and play just like their domestic cousins.

This painting originally started as Lazarus emerging from the cave. The image in my mind was full of tenebroso and power but, alas, I am no neo-classicist so the painting never truly shone. I decided to start again from scratch. I distorted the head and musculature, lightened up the palette and added a fair bit of red, Indian red to be precise, as an element of fire and blood. I then cranked up the tonal contrasts and got what I wanted. Bisley and Rembrandt would be proud.

The high-quality, large version can be found here.

As some of you may know, one of the things that haunt some of my dreamsn and paintings are the beasts and monsters and twisted things lurking under the bed. One of the elements which I find hardest to depict is that element of raw brutality and genuine stupidity that so often seem to go hand-in-hand. Luckily for me, I got up nice and close to the clean, raw nature that is so revered and loved by our hippy friends and got to stare into the eyes of pure, undiluted Darwinian conflict. The result is this: a lovely little piece entitled The best Of Our Nature.

The high-quality, large version can be found here.

This recent trip to the Kruger Park was good. It managed to open my eyes to a different palette and a multitude of contrasting textures. This painting here, called A red Tree (banal, I know, but I couldn’t think of anything), was started before I left but was never quite “right.” It took a close encounter with the contrasts of acacia bushes, tall grass and myriad of insects to show me what it was missing in terms of richness and texture. I got home last week, burning to finish it and… well… I did.

I know that this is the first update in quite a while. I’ve been on holiday and, boy, do I have stories for you. Stories that, unfortunately, will have to wait until I can get all my ducks in a row, the dust settled and the waters cleared. In the meantime, I thought I’d show you an thing from the Kulula Air Comic Life, December 2008 edition (Thanks, Andre!). They wanted to interview a local and they got this:

Not too bad, really, but quite a far cry from the original which, for obvious reasons, I like a bit more:

My name is Cedric, I’m a jack-of-all-trades. I’ve even mastered a few. I manage a software development company, along with Marc Heiligers who is up in Johannesburg. Our team, I’m proud to say, is almost entirely PE-based and they produce code on par with anywhere I’ve seen.

I actually studied Fine Arts and continue to paint regularly. I exhibit when the mood suits me because, luckily, most of the interest and sales come from word of mouth and the Internet.

I came to know Alan because I write one of the local PE blogs (www.underculture.co.za) which, for some reason, Alan (of MyPE) thinks is hilarious. I, personally, think he’s mad. It’s not unpopular and it’s getting a fair bit of traffic, but it is very dear to my heart: I need a platform to run my mouth off and show off my paintings.

Generally, I do try and keep my business side and my art/blog side separate because I don’t know how well they’d mix. But after 6 years of blogging, I’m sure that if there were to be any fallout, I’d know about it by now.

Apart from that, I’m a Dungeons and Dragons nerd, a keen fencer, an MC and public speaker. I’ve even tried my hand at stand-up comedy and lecturing. I have no idea what I’ve got planned for me next year.

1. Please describe your PE to us
My PE is a great place. It’s not too big and it’s not too small. It’s big enough to hide away from people you don’t want to see, but small enough to easily make new friends. And that suits me just fine.

I really like this place and I’m not entirely sure I want other people to know about it. I mean, sure, I love my adoptive city and I’m tempted to shout out about it to everyone but there’s a very selfish part of me that doesn’t really want to. That part of me wants to keep this place as it is and all to myself. PE isn’t a city you can be passive in (seen the castle? Check. Seen the mountain? Check), it’s a place where you have to put in the work.

If you’re the kind of person who doesn’t wait for things to be done for them, then this city has a lot for you. If you like hiking, for example (and I don’t but have a fair number of friends who do), there aren’t any tracks that are ready to be pointed out to simply follow. You actually have to search around for trails and discover it yourself but, once you do, trust me when I say that you’ll be amazed. And it’s exactly the same with everything else, from little pubs and restaurants to beaches. PE, for some reason doesn’t make things available on a silver platter, you have to put in a bit of work.

The upside, of course, is that when you do find what you’re looking for, it’s yours and yours alone.

2. What do you like to do at the weekend? (Walks, movies, take trips out of town, visit family and friends, whatever comes to mind)
It really does depend on the weekends. No, actually, that’s a lie. It really does depend on what happened during the week. I love throwing dinner parties and entertaining and sometimes those do tend to stack up which means that, by weekend time, I am a hung-over and broken mess which means that the weekends are spend watching DVDs, reading, eating comfort food, playing computer games and generally feeling sorry for myself.

If I’m lucky, though, and the week’s been manageable, then I spend my weekends going to the beach, swimming, going to gym, driving out to St. Francis or Jeffrey’s Bay, going to the restaurant (which often makes me wonder why I go to gym at all), or shopping. Occasionally we go out for a pint or play some poker (Actually, that’s a lie. I don’t play poker as much as just show up at friends’ houses and just hand over money while I look at cards).

I do have one little weekend habit and that’s on Sunday nights, I like to go and catch a film on the big screen. There’s something very therapeutic about ending the weekend in mess of popcorn and escapism.

3. How does PE suit your lifestyle needs?
I’m originally from Belgium and, like most Europeans, my expectations from life were pretty much mapped out. You work like a dog for most of the year so that you can save up a bit of money to vacation to the coast for a week or two, surrounded by the same people from your neighbourhood that you’re seeking to escape, who are doing exactly the same thing you are, then go back home and repeat.

But here, I get to live by the coast the whole year round. I get to do stuff you normally see in the movies, you know, like see dolphins splashing around in the surf on my way to work, go for a swim or a bit of body boarding after work, that sort of stuff.

And, yes, of course it’s still an industrial town, filled with great businesses and dedicated, hard working people, so I’m not going to paint it as a laid-back paradisiacal hideaway. It isn’t. But, once you get past the factories and businesses and highways, you’re going to find that bit of paradise tucked away, 15 minutes from where you work.

4. Please list your favourite parts of PE (natural or urban or cityscape) and why they’re special to you
The museum complex on the beach front is neither big nor particularly impressive. It’s a quaint little museum and aquarium complex that pales in comparison to almost any other zoo, museum or cultural centre but (but!) it has such a quaint and delightful atmosphere, I can’t help but have a soft spot for it. It’s not grand or anything but, for some reason, it takes me right back to being 10-years old for my first visit in a natural history museum.

Regardless, we need more museums and more really cool dinosaur bones. They need money and visitors. It’s a great reason to visit.

5. What is PE weather like in December - barmy? Sticky? Better than Durbs, worse than CT? Four seasons in one day?
I couldn’t tell you. I can definitely tell you that it’s not hot and muggy like Durban and that part of the world and it certainly isn’t that baking dry heat of up North. It’s just, you know, PE, which means that it’ll be a lovely day but if you don’t hustle, it’ll be windy and overcast by the afternoon. Or not. It’s very likely that the weather around here is control by the gambling board.

6. What is your favourite restaurant? And why? (Please include contact tel. numbers and website)
I love restaurants. In fact, eating out is one of my favourite pastimes. That’s why I can’t just give you one. Firstly, there’s the Kyoto (041 583 1160) on the Boardwalk which is delightful little Japanese restaurant. I can’t afford to eat there every day but, damn, I sure wish I could. Their eel nigiri is to kill for (I never understood the concept of dying for something). Second is this delightful little Thai place in Newton Park called the Narai Siam (041 363 8126). I love it not just because it’s delicious and quaint but because it’s light on the pocket.

There is one last one but it’s out in St. Francis. It’s called the Trattoria San Francesco (042 294 0819) and they make some kick-ass pizza which just seems to hit the spot when you’re covered in sea salt and sand, and reeling under the knock of the first afternoon beer.

7. What is your favourite bar / watering hole? And why? (Please include contact tel. numbers and website)
My favourite watering holes are Castro’s (041 373 6615) in Mount Croix for a nice chilled drink, Moloko (041 363 9113), out in Newton Park, for a bit of shimmy-shaking and Memphis (041 585 0466), which used to be The Lennox until recently, out in Humerail. But, you know, I’m an equal-opportunity drinker so I’m happy anywhere where there’s a good vibe and a cold drink.

8. Where do you shop? (Everyday shopping, and gifts, clothes etc) (This is a good question if you have a friend’s business that you’d like to promote)
I don’t think that I’m unusual in my shopping habits when it comes to the regular stuff, like clothes, food and drink, and I haven’t noticed anything lacking in those departments. PE’s got everything that you’d need seeing as most of the major stores are here. For the rest, I make use of the Internet, so I don’t really know about the availability of DVDs and music and suchlike. I do, however, have a book fetish and I get my fix almost exclusively (no, not from them!) from Fogarty’s in Walmer Park.

9. what would you change about PE (can be roads, politics, history, buildings, social atmosphere, weather, proximity to other major city centres like Jozi etc - be creative. )
Well, it’s already got the coolest bloody name. I mean, we’re part of the Nelson Mandela Bay Metropolis and you don’t get a cooler name than that. What I would change, though, is that I’d remove all the townships, give people good housing, roads, water, electricity and all the amenities that I, sitting here behind this PC, take for granted. I’m proud of this city but I would be even prouder if everyone had a roof over their heads. I would want this whole segregation to stop. Imagine it: PE the first fully racially-integrated city in the Africa.

After that I’d start building science awareness and education centres everywhere until they outnumbered churches and mosques 3:1.

More realistically, though, I’ve been wanting to open up a fencing class/club in PE for the last ten years. I keep on butting my head against walls when I try to raise the cash to buy the start-up equipment. It really is a great sport and it’s a real shame that there’s no opportunity to practice it locally. And yes, this is a call to anyone out there who wants to help me set this up. Contact me! Let’s make this happen!

10. If PE didn’t have the ocean, would you still live t/here?
You know, that thought has never even crossed my mind and, now that I think about it, I’d have to say no. It’s mind-bogglingly stupid to build a harbour nowhere close to the ocean and I wouldn’t people to associate me with that. I might visit it though, just to see the perlemoen poachers come back up with nothing more than aloes and Angora goat droppings.

11. If you could be mayor with magical powers, what would you do? (street festivals , change road plans to route the freeway behind the city, interschool fun day to integrate youngsters socially, business for charity initiatives, make the sun shine longer, etc)
If I had magical powers, well, I would certainly triple the number of museums and art galleries and I would send every born-and-bred Port Elizabethan on a holiday to another part of the world, so that they get rid of the small-town mentality and realize, like me and all the other foreigners who’ve settled here, just how fantastic and great this city is.

I would then use my magical powers to makes sure that there were toned bronze men and bikini clad women handing out everyone’s favourite cocktail on every street corner.

12. What stands out for you about PE? (In comparison to other local cities, or in comparison to the rural areas)
Well for a start, it doesn’t have a stupid-ass mountain right in the middle of it, unlike some other cities I could name. That alone saves you hours in traffic, but, more importantly, it’s got this very weird charm to it. It’s obviously an industrial town, no-one’s denying that, but it’s outgrown it, it’s moving up and out. It just doesn’t quite know how to take the next step. If you look around, you can see hints of what it will be. PE’s a bit like one of those comedies featuring an uneducated far yokel who comes into money and embarrasses himself continuously as they try to fit into high society: sure he doesn’t know what fork to use with what dish, and keeps on saying the wrong thing, but you know he’ll get there eventually, win the girl and live happily ever after.

13. Any tales you’d like to tell about PE?
Yeah, Algoa bay has a little island in the middle of nowhere called Bird Island. It’s a mess of rock, sharks and birds, and whatever meaty thing happens to feed the sharks. But the really cool thing is that this island used to be called Chaos Island. I wish it was still called Chaos Island, mostly because I think it’s just a macabre and poetic name but also because I’m tickled at the idea that it would attract a lot more Goths to and other PVC-clad pasty things to PE. And I can think of nothing more beautiful, as a grand art project, than the whole of the bay filled with boatloads of Nosferatu look-alikes blinking in horror at things like seawater and sunshine.

14.Do you know of any events in December or January - music/art/sport/charity/theatre? I’m finding it hard to locate any on the internet, and must feature six for the two issues!
I know why you have difficulty finding information. You see, the local radio station, Radio Algoa is the main conduit for local events. It is also stuck in an interminable loop of 80’s music and romantic ballads, held together with vapid and banal commentary (Just to give you and idea, they have a slot, every Sunday, where listeners can say what they’re having for Sunday lunch. I wish I was kidding!). The result of this is that no-one worth their salt listens knows what’s going on, and those that do will be able to tell you all about church fetes and little else.