UNDERCULTURE

Ladies and gentlemen,

Can I have a great round of applause for the return of The PE Report? It’s been a long and fun break. So good and long, in fact, that I almost didn’t make it back. Damn, it felt good and I needed it. So there! I hope that all of you loyal readers understand and, should you see me out and you still feel hard done by the lack of Underculture updates, let me know. I promise that I’ll buy you a beer. I will make it up with a bumper edition of the PE Report. How’s that? Regardless, 2008 is going to be a fun year with many nefarious plans afoot.

Afoot. What a fun word! Afoot. Afoot. Afoot. Afoot

Afoot.

Good
I suppose that we should begin with my sister, Julie, who spent a good three weeks of fun in the sun with us. We’re not entirely sure that she is, indeed, related to Renaud or myself, though, as she spent most of her time here refusing to both drink alcohol until she fell over and flirt shamelessly with anything with a pulse. Shame on her! Still, it was good to see her, so that’s something.

Oh, and talking of flirting and drinking alcohol: yes, I am seeing someone. Those of you who know me will get to meet her before long, and the rest of you, well, will just have to ponder and gossip about her for a while longer. I will let you know, though, that her name is Daniela and she claims to not be entirely repulsed by me. In light of this, it is logical to assume that she may still be drunk from my birthday party. I, from my side, am not complaining.
In other romantic news, my brother, apparently, got engaged, or so I think because that’s what his Facebook profile says but we have no way of knowing since he hasn’t actually told anyone anything. Well, after a little investigation, it appears that Renaud and Karen have agreed to sort-of get engaged at some point in the future, which is like an engagement to be engaged.

Huh? Ok, well, never mind, I’m sure that it makes sense to some people…

In Port Elizabeth, my sister and I went to eat at the Narai Siam Thai Kitchen in Newton Park, to celebrate Jaco’s birthday. Sweet God, What delicious food at a delicious price! I had some decadently spicy green curry and it made my night. I haven’t eaten Thai food of that quality (and affordability) in a while.

And still in PE, I’ve had the pleasure of eating sushi twice now at the recently opened Cape Town Fish Market in the King’s Court center on Buffelsfontein. What can I tell you about it, except that it was fucking good, a bit like having a orgasm while astral projecting yourself into a shark in a feeding frenzy. Yeah, OK, that metaphor also sounded awkward and completely stupid to me too.

Then, this last weekend, my gorgeous girlfriend treated me to dinner at So French in Newton Park (right behind that haven for the cultural elite, The Blinking Owl). And I can say, without a doubt, that it featured the best service I have ever received in Port Elizabeth, as well as some of the most decadently mouth-watering food ever.

Lastly, we are starting fencing again. We will be doing this every Wednesday at my house until we can find a better venue. We’re not promising Olympic swordplay, but we are promising a place where you can get to learn the basics and have fun doing it. If you’re interested, give me a call (if you have my number) or send me an email (unless you’re that creepy guy that breathes with his mouth that’s always staring at me).

I also spent an inordinate amount of time driving between Port Alfred (Renaud now works at the Guido’s there so support him next time you’re heading off that way) and St. Francis (I cannot praise Big Time and the Tratoria San Fransesco enough).

Bad
Apparently, I can speak Venusian, whatever the fuck that means.

Now, I know that my brother works in Port Alfred and that I should give the place the benefit of the doubt but, for Christ’s sakes! I have never encountered a place so deeply ingrained in petty-minded Christian dogma. I made the bad mistake of reading the local papers and pamphlets only to be confronted with such fear of all things non-white and non-Christian, including a lengthy tirade on how the Golden Compass claims to fight against religious tyranny but it doesn’t really, so that’s why it must be shunned. My irony-meter just went through the fucking roof. Idiots.

The food at the Guido’s is good, though, so it can’t be all bad…

Oh, and I also encountered the most evil penguin known to man. Forget that Surf’s Up bullshit animated penguin crap. Penguins are fucking evil. But don’t take my word for it, see for yourself:

Oh, and talking of seeing things for yourself, I’ve also updated the following photo posts: Renaud, Julie, Danni, zombie, Karen and me!

Ugly
My poor dog’s balls got chewed in half. That’s right, you read it correctly. Mozart’s poor scrotum had to undergo stitches after having been bit in half. Scrotum. Bitten. In half. That’s all you need to know. And, yes, I know that it wasn’t like he was actually doing anything with it but, still, you know, it’s the principle of the thing.

One of the Christmas presents I got was a bottle of extra-aged Tequila. It was delicious (I think). I did get to drink it. That much I remember. I also seem to remember Andre being there, and maybe Steve. Oh, and Danni. But that’s all. I remember something about a perfume fight. Fuck. That morning was nothing but pain. I feel ill just thinking about it.

And, lastly, there’s a new club/bar/thing where Rumours used to be. A lot of people have been telling me that it’s changed, that it’s chic, trendy and fun and upmarket and completely, utterly different from Rumours. Don’t be fooled. The place is still a dark, canteen-like hall frequented by old mustached men predating on drunken women way past their prime.