UNDERCULTURE

This review of our stand-up evening was in The Herald today:

You can also read it online here.

One has to ask whether or not the reviewer was watching the same show as us. I don’t know how else he could have gotten it so wrong (if I’m mistaken, those of you who attended, please let me know what you thought).

Still, I suppose, he did like it so it’s a step in the right direction. And, once again, to all of you who attended and supported us: thank you!

Update (31 May 2007): In case you don’t read through the comments, I urge you to read Andrew’s comments about the EP Herald’s journalistic abilities. As always, it is spot-on and insightful (The fact that it makes me feel much better has nothing to do with it).

Good
The comedy night, “Funny Strike� went down a treat last night. For a freezing Sunday night in PE, it was a success, with over 200 people attending. The three UK comedians that headlined the event, namely Martin Evans, Martin Devin, and Dave Levinson were superb. They brought to the forefront what PE had been missing in terms of stand-up comedy, namely professionalism. I was awed and humbled by their talent. To those of you who couldn’t make it, you missed out.

To those of you who made it (and you know who you are, even if you do drink hot chocolate), thank you. It means a lot to me, and the more support we have for local comedy, the better it’s going to get.

The crowd was really great and enthusiastic, even when most of the local acts dragged way past their allotted 5 minutes with some seriously un-funny shit. Still, I am glad to say that my stuff, at least, was well appreciated. Hopefully, this will continue to roll the comedy ball of the Eastern Cape in the right direction. We are currently hunting for another venue.

In other, more bizarre and happier news, Robert and Hannah Bosch tied the knot this weekend. Everyone was invited to an engagement party which turned out, actually, to be a surprise wedding party. It was held at the Lavender Barn, which, I must say, is one of the most beautiful venues I have visited in a while. The wedding was wonderful, despite the lack of eligible young women. My brother did, however, manage to catch the garter. Everything else about that night is a blur.

There was another Damnation party this Friday, at the Cotton Club. It was too heavy for my taste and not nearly well attended enough but I didn’t really care. There was plenty of tequila, plenty of fine wenches (who must still call me but I’m not holding my breath) and even some moshing.

If you can call Fiona crashing into some chairs, and trying to blame me for it, moshing, of course.

Bad
If I hear one more person complain about how shit PE is, while living in PE, I think I’m going to snap. Just last night, someone was telling me that “PE was the pits of the earth,� and that there’s “never anything to do.�

Guys, honestly, being in a city is an elective thing. No-one has forced you to and no-one is keeping a gun to your head. I’m beginning to think that these people don’t actually want to leave, they just want to complain.

Ugly
On Saturday afternoon, at about 16:00, disaster struck. An abscess had formed in my mouth and caused such lancing pain that I blacked out. I tried to soldier on and attend Rob’s engagement party but it was too much. Each time I thought it passed, I was knocked for a loop with the redoubling of the pain. I honestly didn’t know that something as simple and innocuous as teeth or gums could wreck such havoc. Really.

Luckily, a couple of people at the party introduced me to the wonders of serious, prescription pain-killers and alcohol. By the end of the evening, someone could have stabbed me and I wouldn’t have felt a thing.

The Celibacy Report
Friday night went very well: I managed to confirm that Alec and Fi will definitely still go on their night on the town (sponsored by Underculture), and that I will be attending the next Speed Dating event with Fi and others. I am quite excited (and sad).

I still need a date for the Medieval Banquet. Anyone?

Good
Alright, it looks like we’ve got a gig! I’ll be doing some stand-up comedy with some International comedians Martin Evans (ex-PE boy), Martin Devin, and Dave Levinson, as well as Jordan and Joel Ross, this Sunday 27 May 2007! My gig is only 10 minutes or so but, hey, it’s better than nothing. The show is called “Funny Strike� It will be at the Cell C Amphitheatre. Tickets will be available on the night, at R 25.00 for students and R40.00 for adults. And the show is at 19:00 for 19:30. Please come through! The more, the merrier, and God knows I need all the support I can get.

It looks like the Medieval Banquet is on for June 15 2007. I’ve got my ticket. Have you got yours? All I still need to get is a costume and a date (more on that below). Are there any hot, buxom young lasses, out there, willing to feed me mead and keep my codpiece warm? I will pay for the whole thing. Anyone? It’ll be fun! Look at one of the last ones here.

Bad
It’s been cold and miserable in the last two days (”Colder than a witch’s clit,” I believe would be Alan’s description). Winter seems to be firmly entrenched. I guess that by bodyboard, The Death-Rider 3000, will have to remain locked-up until September. On the good side of things, this is great pancake and DVD weather.

And then, the boys (Steve and Renaud) tried to cheer me up this weekend. They took me to Primi’s at Dolphin’s Leap where I had a couple of teapots. A teapot, I came to learn is an old teapot filled with 5 delicious tots of something or other alcoholic and some tea. They went down a treat but, after the second one, I couldn’t feel my face anymore. In the teapot’s defense, I was hitting the tequilas at The Zebra before that.

Yes, I know that this doesn’t really belong in the Bad section but I didn’t have anything bad to say this week.

Ugly
Can people not enjoy a rugby game without dragging the poor referee into it? For fuck’s sakes, people, The Bulls won fair and square. Leave it at that, you whiny Sharks supporters.

And, no, I’m not just saying that ‘cause my team won (OK, maybe, a little bit).

The Celibacy Report
Well, it looks like I have to apologize to the people who say that “everything happens for a reason.� It looks like they were right after all.

Because, you see, just when it looked like we were going to have no-one to undertake our speed-dating exposé (Renaud and Fi chickened out), and that we weren’t going to get our photo documentary of a night out on the town (Alec has yet to get back to me), I got dumped! That’s right! I’m now single again and ready to bring you the news you want!

Isn’t it just amazing the way life works things out? One minute, it didn’t look like we were going to get an updated Celibacy Report, and the next we do! And all for the small price of my shattered happiness and a broken heart! Awesome!

So, sorry, guys, everything does happen for a reason! I was wrong. The universe sure is a special and happy place! Wow!

Good
Apparently, I’ll be doing another stand-up comedy stint at the Cell C Amphitheatre at the end of the month. That is good news indeed. I’ll post more details you as I receive them.

And then I must mention my latest discovery (thanks to my step-father) of Eel Nigiri (covered in sesame seeds) at the Kyoto which must be, without a doubt, the greatest food ever made. I was treated to some again on Friday by the beautiful, elegant, funny, smart and amazingly gorgeous Risa.

I’m ready to take my love affair with Japanese food to the next level…

Bad
My mother very kindly brought me a brand-new percolator from Boardmans in Walmer Park, and not a cheap one, either. Eagerly, I unpack it, fill it up with water and put the coffee in the filter, and hit the ON button and Presto! Delicious coffee! Then, 10 minutes later, the guys show up for role-playing so I prepare another pot: I fill the percolator up with water and put the coffee in the filter, and hit the ON button and Presto! Erm… And presto! No, nothing. Zippo.

It was brand new! Less then a day old! I’m fucking disgusted but not entirely surprised because I’ve been fucked over by Boardmans before (the infamous “chairs of comfort� for those of you who know what I’m talking about). You get better service, quality and price from Pick n’ Pay. Fuck Boardmans.

Ugly
Apparently, I am naïve. I’ve always believed that, while people may not always be perfectly honest for the little things, they are, when the chips are down and when it really comes to it, good and decent. Yes, I know what you’re thinking: that’s very naïve. I blame fairy tales and my childhood diet of heroic tales of chivalry.

You see, there’s this guy whom I always considered a decent enough chap, despite being a bit gormless and not always at the top of his game. And, recently, he made a mistake. Now, please understand that the mistake, in and of itself, was not a particularly big one, but it was a mistake nevertheless. It seemed to have been based on some bad advice and some fundamental misunderstanding. But, mostly, though, it seemed to have stemmed from inexperience and youth. We can all sympathize. After all, who hasn’t been there?

And it came to pass that, when the mistake was pointed out to him, our guy in question had two choices: a) Accept that he was in error, bite the bullet and honor his commitments or b) Refuse to admit he made a mistake, fuck his friends and piss on the people that had helped him all, thereby ensuring that his precious little short-term gains remain intact.

Well, you see, I always believed that people who always chose a). I was wrong.

The Celibacy Report
Erm… I have nothing to report. Renaud and Fi are going to do the speed dating thing. We’ll let you know how that works out.

Good
We had a visit from Kyknoord a week and a bit ago. As always, it was too short but very much welcome. He even took this lovely photo of Renaud:

Brad has agreed to document our Monday night Runequest adventures. So look out for our weekly “Runequest Dairy� that should start making another appearance on this site.

We had the most fantastic Neo-Socratic meeting last night at Andre’s house (Again, Andre, thank you. You are a god!). What made the meeting so enjoyable, apart from our growing number of skeptics and inquisitive minds, was the exciting new projects that are being started. Spread the word and come and support us. We do more than laugh at woohoos and hippies. I promise.

Bad
What’s bad? That fetid pile of teenage soapie crap called Spiderman 3. Man, I wish I hadn’t actually gone to see it on the big screen. I felt cheated. I kept on having to check that I hadn’t mistakenly wandered into an Archie Comic movie of some sort.

Oh, and then there’s this ‘flu doing the rounds. This is a particularly virulent strain and a bitch of a bastard to shake. Everyone I know, with the exception of Steve and Ryan have it. I’m beginning to think that they are the carriers.

Ugly
I am shocked, and so will you be after you’ve read the following unbelievable little tale:

This is taken from a first-hand account of a young lady who is, it must be mentioned, kind, generous and one of those people who just prefer to not cause a scene. In fact, so reluctant is she to incite trouble that, when pressured by her boss or anyone she will simply chose to bite her tongue.

So, last night, she had a bad car crash: she hit a bushbuck while traveling on the highway. The car is totaled but she is otherwise unharmed. I know what she’s gone through because I’ve hit my fair share of bigger-and-heavier-than-they-look-car-totaling-bushbucks. Shocked, and still reeling from the crash, she informs her coworkers and her bosses the following morning, all the while fighting with the insurance company. The bosses, then, step off their special short bus and, with the assistance of their sexually ambiguous daughter, decide that the only possible reason she crashed her car is tha she is cursed. Yes, that’s right, you read it right. Never mind being unlucky, never mind having to deal with a totaled car and belligerent brokers, no, she crashed her car because evil spirits really do exist and are throwing bushbucks at her.

Now, we’ll skip over the fact that her employers are criminally overstepping their bounds by even meddling in non-work-related events, because I want to get to what happens next…

You see, these retarded fuck knuckles decide that, in their infinite moronic opposite-of-wisdom, the best way to deal with the curse (a car crash) is to send the employee (the car crash victim) to a Sangoma (a woohoo caught up in some ridiculous magical thinking).

It’s all clearly logical of course and, for their next trick, they will send people stricken with cancer to the mall at Christmas time. There, they can sit on Santa’s lap and ask to be cured.

Unfortunately, that’s what happened… Within minutes of the announcement, our young heroine was whisked off and soon found herself locked in a room with a strange man wearing freshly-killed cats (I’m not making this up!) and trying to force-feed her the blood of a dove. A dove, it must be added, that he killed right in front of her. Yes, you read that right.

Because, obviously, that’s the best way to deal with a car crash.

Fucktards.

The Celibacy Report
Well, since you ladies are apparently not interested in meeting our bachelor, I am officially closing the Celibacy Report Win a Date. What I have decided to do, however, is send our two contestants out on a fully paid-for date together. I will be supplying them with a camera and I expect a full written report when they are finished which I will then use as a basis for an article. Sounds like fun? You bet!