Weight Loss
A lot of people don’t know this, but I used to be quite a lard-ass. In fact, during my school years I was downright obese. It was a really horrible time of my life. I used to be teased, punched and forced to trot around, naked, on all fours imitating a pig. How I used to cry about being so fat, unable to reach my pudgy little arms to soothe my bleeding rectum from the hideous “punishing the pig� sessions. I vowed, there and then, to loose weight, be strong and show them all… right after a delicious cupcake.
And that is how I began my weight-loss program: sodomised, humiliated and eating a cupcake.
I am pleased to report, however, that this was met with success. Over the years, I have managed to lose a whopping 35Kg! In fact, the weight-loss has been so spectacular that many people have commented. Everywhere I go, I notice the jealous eyes pass over my now attractive and thin frame. I notice, with delight, their open awe and admiration.
It would be quite easy for me, I suppose, to write a book on weight-loss, designed to assist all of you lazy fatties out there but, let’s face it, I’m an altruistic and nice kind of guy. And that is why I am presenting the world with:
The Underculture 5 Steps to weight-loss
- Don’t eat: People love to tell you that weight gain is all about what you eat and how. But ideas and methods are changing all the time. It’s difficult to chose what to eat, and how, and when. The best way to do this is to just not eat. You can just starve away the pounds!
- Exercise: The more you exercise the more weight you lose. It’s easy! With that in mind, the only way to really burn away that flab is with low-impact cardio-vascular exercise. Underculture recommends masturbation. It’s a great way to work those arms and tummy muscles!
- Alcohol: Have you ever looked at a hardened alcoholic and marveled at their sleek and thin bodies? Well, that’s because alcohol is a great diuretic, and most alcoholics can’t keep their food down. So why not put that all that drinking time to good use?
- Appetite Suppressants: Do you know what else curbs your appetite and keeps you thin? That’s right! Appetite Suppressants! But we don’t reccomend that you go for those wussy, boring, over-the-counter types. Everyone knows that those don’t work. No, only the real hard-core suppressants work, like cocaine and heroine! Everyone knows that their effectiveness is the REAL reason why their illegal. Just speak to any user, they’ll tell you just how great it makes them feel. And think of all that exercise you get too, keeping that monkey on your back.
- Diet Products: Weight-loss products work! Every single one of them! It’s true! Initially, I was skeptical but soon realized that every single diet product that guarantees weight loss without exercise or a change to what you eat, couldn’t be lying about it. So, it stands to reason to go for it. We recommend that you leave nothing to chance and take them all at once!
And if you don’t beleive us, just look at these fantastic before and after photos! This, too, can be you!
Before
After
